Wowza! I just watched today’s Dr. Phil episode. I’ve been looking forward to this episode since I caught wind of it a few weeks back and more importantly the new reality series by Deion Sanders called “Sports Dads”.
Opening scene: we meet Kia, self professed over zealous parent who has a beautiful daughter who is on THREE basketball teams. Her daughter seems like a great athlete and overall good kid, but her mom is hard pressed to change her ways, even after appearing on ‘Sport’s Dads’ and the Dr. Phil show.
I had some good take aways from this show - all moments in my own parenting life where the light bulb has gone off before.
My first one is within minutes of the show. Kia has her daughter on three teams which requires serious time management. Mom wakes her up, drives her every where, completely manages her life. I learned ages ago to gently push and remind my kids about their extra curricular activities. How will they develop the hunger and passion for a sport if you do everything for them? I have two athletes in my home, Alex (16 - ROTC) and Isabel (10 - club soccer). Alex wants to practice everyday. He wants to go early, stay late. His performance shows this. Isa goes to practice twice a week steady and three times a week most times. She loves her sport, but we can’t give or teach passion, it has to develop organically. Last weekend she played defense first half and keeper second half. For Isabel, this was a positive. She loves to play, any and all positions. She finds value in defense and in assists. She doesn’t have to score to be happy with the outcome. But she is frustrated on her current team. It’s not as welcoming as her previous teams. She is no longer the leader - all things achievable, but on her own time by her own doing. More importantly she is frustrated with all the goals scored against her team. We know she has a lot of skill both physically and mentally. We as the parents have to let it simmer, cook and then the light bulb goes off in her own head. After these first few weeks of games she decided to help out at keeper position and to make sure she has those extra practices. (We were beaming with pride on the inside Saturday as she practiced two - two hour sets - ON HER OWN.) Is she the best keeper - no way. But are we proud she is practicing on her own and wanting to sacrifice for the better of the team - hell yes!
This is applied through all facets of parenting and life. Is it easier if we do all the laundry? Yes, it gets done faster and cleaner, but how do they learn when they are on their own? Are you seeing a pattern here? As a person who used to manage a lot of people, I would often just do it myself, because I knew I would get it done and get it done right. I robbed my support staff of learning and taking ownership and I robbed myself of good support staff. Once I realized to teach, my work went so much smoother. All life lessons applicable everywhere.
I highly recommend watching this episode of Dr. Phil if you can. I was happy I didn’t relate to this parent at all. It’s a great primer on what NOT to do.
As my fellow Catholics prepare for the Lenten season I am reminded by the best sermon I ever heard about Lent and Sacrifice while a freshman at the University of Dallas. I am not going to wax on. I find many people who profess and talk about their faith as fake as they come - probably because if you are talking about it so much are you still talking yourself into it? Just be. Just live it. Just do it (go Nike!)
I just have a few points to make:
- It’s not a Lenten sacrifice if you’re posting and tweeting about garnering sympathy how you have given up sugar, chocolate, alcohol, >insert yours here< Let us not complain, whine and go on about how hard Lent is… let’s approach Lent with some humility and grace.
- Also, don’t just give up something - promise to do something extra… Put in the extra effort… and again, don’t talk about it so much.
My freshman year at college among scholars and theologians has taught me so much, but the Fat Tuesday sermon by Fr. Kelly in 1989 was the best. Now I must log off and myself prepare for Lent.
Filed under Lent Catholics
The title of the post is probably my favorite quote from my father. I love it, because it is TRUTH!
Being the mother of five, I’ve had the opportunity to encounter many different children and their parents for 16 yrs. I’ve said this for a couple of years now, but soccer parents are the worse. No, really, we are.
This past weekend, my daughter participated in a soccer tournament. We knew we would have fun, there would be some aggression, some fouls and some great shots taken on goal. Overall I thought the girls would have a good time, shake hands and move on. What I witnessed during a game was one child on the opposing team consistently fouling her opponent, yelling at her own teammates (including foul language) AND yelling at the referee. I would have tolerated about 15 seconds of this behavior from my own kid before I would be up out of my chair on my way to the coach to have him/her yank my kid out of the game. I was mortified for her parents - except her parents weren’t mortified. They supported and encouraged this behavior. It is a shame her behavior overshadows her talent, because she is a good player.
Parents please - you must not ignore your responsibility to raise decent human beings:
- Fouling - it happens in soccer. We sometimes call it the chicken wing syndrome (sticking the elbow out). Fouling is nothing other than cheating. Do you want your child to gain advantage by cheating - even if the referee doesn’t call them out on it? What are you teaching them? Let me answer for you - NOTHING. I don’t have to explain to you the far reaching implications this has.
- Disrespecting authority - one short answer for you - You need to save some bail money because she clearly doesn’t understand there are limits and I see a criminal problem in your future. Listen sweetie - when you question the referee’s knowledge the chances you getting a call when you are fouled are slim to none. They will just hang you out to dry and let you eat turf.
- Team player - soccer is a sport which requires a group of people to work together to get the ball into the goal. Whether you believe it or not, you really do need to play nice in all facets of life. Telling your teammates how incompetent they are doesn’t foster an environment to be successful. And frankly, this was bullying. This tactic only works on the playground until you are no longer the loudest or biggest. Eventually even bullies get theirs.
The true failure here is the parenting: When you don’t set limits your kids make them and frankly can we blame children when they take the easiest route? I certainly don’t. It’s already Wednesday evening and I am still processing what I witnessed. I appalled at the child’s behavior towards our girls, her teammates, the coach and the referee. But seriously, what still has me shaking my head is her parents lack of, well parenting. I was sitting with a friend and thankfully I know she would have set her child straight and she knows I would have done the same.
There is something to be said about confidence - It’s great to have and I can testify confidence has taken me places in my career my skill set alone would not have. But there is a line everywhere. This child crossed it over and over again. She crossed it because her parents hadn’t shown her where the line is.
Filed under parenting soccer youth soccer
Hold my hand, while I hold my breath.
It’s been a little over one year since Isabel had her surgery, removing a giant cancerous tumor from abdomen. Barely 9 yrs old and having to explain about fertility and one ovary broke my heart. She was annoyed and in pain. Still a year later, the only boy she likes is her brother Antonio, eh, the other three are just a nuisance and any boy outside this family - forget about it.
She had an awesome follow up in March. Doc said it was just one of those things… No rhyme or reason why she, not me would have this happen. So today is the next six month follow up. If everything goes well, he will consider seeing her next year. “Sometimes it can come”. While I love Dr. Thomas, I don’t want to see him in six months. So help me out this morning, sacrifice a virgin, say a prayer, chant, go through your pre bingo routine blowing on your neon pink haired trolls - whatever you do… Do it with me so I don’t have to have the bi-annual reminder my kid once had a big ugly thing growing inside her that could have taken her life.
I’m wearing my favorite red underwear, my favorite black peep toe Louboutins. I’ve gone through my strict Catholic rosary ritual and tried to talk to the universe when I was in the shower. People, I’m scared. Six months ago was a breeze, but a year later who knows? It is true what my parents said to me once when I was in college and hurting… There is no worst feeling in the world then when you are powerless to help your child.
Take a moment and let’s hope all the kids today suffering catch a break. In the scheme of things, our health problem is really so little compared to what we see when we have these hospital / doctor visits. So while I try to keep it in perspective, it’s just so DAMN hard when it is happening to my child and my only girl.
I’ve often posted on this blog about my personal stuff and I’ve mentioned what truly feeds my soul. I love weddings & social events, but when I started using these skills to help non-profits my business organically went to the next level and in turn my life has just been filled with goodness.
This year, through Isabel’s soccer, I’ve met a wonderful mother, nurse and now friend. She introduced me to kids she works with everyday. I had no idea there are kids born with out ribs. Their generic condition is called Thoracic Insufficiency Syndrome(TIS). One of these kids made a short film, with some powerful Hollywood help. The San Antonio premiere is in a couple of days. I am hoping all my friends can come out and have some fun. Or if you aren’t local, please consider buying a ticket for kids who can’t afford it or consider making a small donation to the Titanium Rib Foundation.
TRF aims to help families whose resources have been depleted because of TIS. On average these children will have 40 surgeries by the time they are 18. Often 2-3 times per year. Clay is an amazing child who is on track for his 41st surgery shortly after his movie premiere on Thursday. Please come out and meet him and join me on the red carpet.
Online Ticketing for Deep Blue Breath Movie Premiere powered by Eventbrite
Filed under titanium rib, titanium rib foundation deep blue breath san antonio
I’ve had a very difficult three weeks… All related to terrible behavior by adults. Professional adults, parents, etc. It seemed to me common decency had left us. My kids every evening would ask if I was okay - they could see it on my face. They could hear me say a prayer out loud looking for grace and wisdom when I am usually very private. I’m worn out and it shows.
As 9/11 comes to an end I remember 10 yrs ago where I was, but more importantly I remember being resilient. We had 4 children, Alex and Frank barely in elementary. We didn’t know what we were doing, so young and hopeful. I hope today has brought some perspective to those who have continued to try and knock me down. Today reminded me that no matter the obstacle, I always get back up and get going.
My success as a business owner, wife and mother comes from that knowledge. I experienced extreme heartache and drama early on (21 yrs old - 23 yrs old). My father has always said there is nothing that hard work and spending more time with your family can’t fix. So while other reflect on today’s anniversary, I also reflect on my own will to get up and keep on trying to do good work… for myself, for my kids, for my business and for my community. Will you join me? Give me a week and I will have my youthful glow back. I am only giving you all a week to get it together before I begin to throw the trash out of my life, again.
p.s. pray for family. My cousin lost the family business last week in the fires in Bastrop. They employ a lot of people and a LOT of family. We’re here for you Navarro’s. and go COWBOYS!
It’s 4:30 am Friday morning and I am up with enthusiasm as I start another tremendous workday. I have five kids to get ready starting at 5:30. I have a hellacious commute to my kids magnet school on the west side starting at 6:30. I don’t like it, but my kids are thriving, so it’s my job to get them there early for their extra-curricular activities even though I sure wish they would ride the bus. I fight traffic towards the school and turn around just in time to fight traffic back home. It’s a viscious cycle.
As a person who is a work from home Mom, I enjoy many benefits a stay at home Mom does: I’m here when they leave for school, when they get home. I can stop and take care of them at a moment’s notice. Dr’s appointments for them or I aren’t a problem. I’ve sacrificed to work from home. I don’t enjoy the income I had when I had a ‘regular’ job. But people, don’t mistake my flexibility for less work. I work more now than I ever did when I managed a large corporation and employed over 2000 employees.
Life was easier when I left the child rearing to the husband. Man did I take advantage of him for 9 years. Sorry babe! As my business has matured and brought in more income and more flexibility, I’ve enjoyed spending my free time to my true passion - community service. It truly feeds my soul. It IS the reason I love my job. I’ve got the wedding & event planning down pat so that I can contribute in lots of different ways to many causes. Here is the thing about volunteer work, you work with a lot of other volunteers, some not always a work horse like me. I’ve accepted I can be abrasive. I know I like to jump in. I can also make things happen. I know there are politics in everything. I get it. What I don’t get is the people standing on the sideline, doing NOTHING, trying to bring me down. For the last 10 calendar days I have experienced extreme negativity from people I call spectators. People happy to give an opinion - which is their right - but they have been WAY off base. Because of business and some of the work I do, my personal circle touches circles of influence, power and wealth. We know these people are the key to keep some non-profits afloat, to attain community awareness not otherwise available without year and years of work.
This past week has been the absolute hardest. I’ve accomplished so much for two non-profits this week and have faced the most adversity ever from people who literally are doing NOTHING to help the non-profits. I’ve used my own time, my personal and professional resources, spent time away from my family and business to help these two organizations and people want to complain they weren’t involved, why this, why that? Why do you care other than I’ve brought in big donors, media exposure, a good sports experience for children. I could go into specific ridiculous complaints, but then I would expose them and I shouldn’t do that here. I will personally address them all in due time. Oh what the hell, here is two:
- One complainant actually said something along the lines of “I’m a professional fundraiser…. and some other nonsense stuff…” Immediately my question to her: why haven’t you used your skills to help us?
- A volunteer from another organization which has failed for over two years to get much accomplished said after my appointment as interim executive director: “Well, I am going to take a class on non-profit management.” My question to her: Why did you wait so long? Why now? People! I’m working 50 hrs per week free to get you through this hump, stop running me over with your luxury car!
I do because I care. I receive NO MONEY. I barely get a thank you. (I’m not looking for a thank you) I do it to affect positive change. I cannot sit by and complain about various things in a non-profit I support if I don’t put in the time to make it better. I’m done crying this week. I’ve had some really great friends who took a moment help me move through, said a quick prayer and in general know I come from a place of good. Thank you!
To you naysayers and spectators who don’t do anything but sit on the sidelines: You can KISS MY ASS. You knocked me down with your consistent negativity but I always get back up and get to work.
So I’m up. Just finished a great report to a board of directors letting them know I just secured supporters who in this town are THE POWER couple. I did that - All by myself, through all the negativity and adversity.
As for the whiny soccer moms, I’m sorry my kid is better than yours. BANG!
Since 2007, I have refused to take a wedding for the months of June, July and August unless a client pays a premium. One of my favorite couples was married 2 summers ago. I am thrilled to have been a part of their wedding. I know this all sounds cool - Jennifer is such an awesome empire builder that she gets to takethe summers off… yeah, I’m pretty cool. I just refuse to suit up in that black Ann Taylor suit and sweat…. and …
I’m still working. Brides are still getting married and need servicing of their contract. I still need to book brides for late Fall and early 2012. And frankly, I have ass loads of kids. If you were getting married this summer and I was your planner, you would already be annoyed with me. Every year, this same week, my life has been thrown into total chaos. You would think I would be prepared, but nope… never am. The kids have been out of school less than a week and I still don’t have a sense of schedule, order, organization… zip, nada, nothing.
I think it takes a smart business owner to not only realize their limitations but to also take the appropriate steps. Of course I would love to make more money, but frankly, I wouldn’t give you great customer service if your event took place in the summer. It is Wednesday evening and I have probably only put in 3 hours of work all week.
Monday - trying to get organized - creating menu for the week, recreating the chore schedule, updating calendars for summer kid stuff, laundry.
Tuesday - I don’t even remember what we did yesterday.
Wednesday - I have washed 10 loads of laundry. TEN. I still have about 4 on the couch waiting to be folded, hung, put away. I managed to make dinner. I played taxi driver. Tonight, I’ve updated my evernote to reflect the grocery shopping that was supposed to be done Monday morning based on the menu that was supposed to be done Sunday. I’ve updated my tasks for clients in google apps.
Hey, I am even down a kid - Alex is at ROTC camp somewhere in Texas.
I think I am a pretty bad ass planner and usually have it all together, but I know my limits and I don’t want to provide bad customer service. So listen to the wise ‘not so old’ experienced planner… especially if you have kids, dogs, extracurricular… know your limits and make good decisions around them.
The House That Built Me - this isn’t just the title to a great song by Miranda Lambert… it are words that have resonated with me throughout my adult life. Hey, I’m only 40…so last 15 yrs (I wasn’t ‘grown’ until about 25).
I love this song. It speaks to me in a different way. The house that built me is my family, The Abalos’ and the Ramirez’ and more specifically my parents. Two great families, two completely different families and still very much the same - tons of unconditional love. My parents were and continue to be such a great example of a strong marriage and true partnership. It hasn’t been easy being the daughter of Susie Ramirez. Her standards are insane and to come in just a hair short just isn’t acceptable.. My fathers standards also high but completely different. It is amazing how two people so completely different managed to find each other in a small dusty west Texas town and continue to stay together some 40+ yrs later. I’m proud to be with J2 for 16 yrs now.
J2 and I are completely different. Hell, he was born in Thailand under the worst of circumstances and by chance he made it to the US, and then in Texas for his last 3 high school years and on a whim came back to Texas after his service in the Marine Corp AND working security detail that fateful night when I needed an escort to my car (I had a crazy stalker). It wasn’t his usual shift or even job location. Yeah - fate, destiny, kismet, whatever… Its here now and it’s awesome. I hope my kids later in life will remember the house that built them.
When I listen to the lyrics in Miranda’s song, she is trying to find and remember all those things that built her. I am so privileged that I live that same moment every day of my life. The house that built me is the same house I have built for my own family. The house that built me was the love, the examples of partnership from my parents and the extended Abalos family and the Ramirez family has taught me soi much (what to do, what NOT to do) Man, it is awesome being Mexican… We have such a large family. We speak two languages… We have a rich culture, traditions that transcend generations. We have a Ramirez family wedding next weekend and I, no Jaz and I are honored to be a part of the wedding service. The couple wanted the traditional lasso from a strong committed couple. Even better - my parents are giving the couple the Arras. I was like, WOW, we’ve made it. We are up there with parents and our relationship is respected.
The house that built me is in Sonora, Robert Lee, and Rankin, Texas.
Miranda and Blake, I wish you much happiness. I also wish I was planning your wedding. Seriously, I am the gal when it come to big ranch weddings, but I’ll forgive you… I’m not well known in Longview or Nashville. More importantly as a gal who believes in Love, I wish you lots of it and hope you guys have a big family and continued success in your careers. Remember the house that built you and then create one of your own. Thanks for bringing your wedding here. I love your venue and try to work there often. You have a great caterer and they prepare deer like no one else in town.
Filed under blake shelton, ranch wedding miranda lambert
Baby tell me does she love you… Like the way I love… Does she stimulate you… attract and captivate you… Tell me does she miss you… existing just to kiss you… LIKE THE WAY I DO….
God I just love Melissa Etheridge’s spirit and soul in her music. As you know, music is always there anytime you are going through the good, bad and the blah’s in your life. Yesterday I was thrown a weird curve ball. For anyone who is a true friend and knows me here is the situation - this person was already vapor to me… So no hang up here… just annoyance. But I was weirded out… and J2 sensed it. It was one of those SMH moments and you wish a girlfriend was on the bat-phone so you could be catty and laugh and down some beers.
To make me feel better, J2 in his awesomeness cued up my Melissa Etheridge CD… The original from way back when I was in college, broken plastic holder and all. I paid $13 to listen to Melissa in the West End back in 1989. It was a defining moment for me. It was when I took music to help express myself, soothe my soul when it ached, and began to really hear the words.
She has this bad ass rock song and I love this version. It is just Melissa and her guitar - just like when I first heard this song in 89… Back then it was just her and her guitar. I’ve sung this song many a time in my younger years when I had a bad break up with my first love. He was a bastard. LOL…(He is still a bastard) While I’m not feeling spurned, the energy and soul of this song speaks to me again… Let me be honest, I could hear it everyday and sing it out loud like I hadn’t heard in ages….The song just gets me going… Here are the lyrics… I’m passing onto you girlfriends: in the event you need a good song asking if in fact “does she miss you, existing just to kiss you, like the way I do?” I love J2 like this. I would ache to love him if he weren’t right here with me. You know what else was awesome. Frank brought out the guitar and Alex banged out some music on the piano while we all sang. Jesus I am so lucky. My kids are fucking AWESOME.
Like The Way I Do:
Is it so hard to satisfy your senses
You found out to love me you have to climb some fences
Scratching and crawling along the floor to touch you
And Baby just when it feels right you say you found someone else to hold you
Does she, like i do?
Tell me does she love you like the way I love you
Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you
Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do
Tell me does she want you infatuate and haunt you
She knows just how to shock you electrify and rock you
Does she inject you seduce you and affect you
Like the way I do
Can I survive all the implications
Even if I tried could you be less than an addiction
Don’t you think I know there’s so many others
Who would beg steal and lie fight kill and die
Just to hold you hold you like I do
Tell me does she love you like the way I love you
Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you
Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do
Tell me does she want you infatuate and haunt you
Does she know just how to shock and electrify and rock you
Does she inject you seduce you and affect you
Like the way I do
Nobody loves you like the way I do
Nobody wants you like the way I do
Nobody needs you like the way I do
Nobody aches nobody aches just to hold you
Like the way I do
Tell me does she love you like the way I love you
Does she stimulate you attract and captivate you
Tell me does she miss you existing just to kiss you
Like the way I do
Tell me does she want you infatuate and haunt you
Does she know just how to shock and electrify and rock you
Does she inject you seduce you and affect you
Like the way I do
