Hold my hand, while I hold my breath.
It’s been a little over one year since Isabel had her surgery, removing a giant cancerous tumor from abdomen. Barely 9 yrs old and having to explain about fertility and one ovary broke my heart. She was annoyed and in pain. Still a year later, the only boy she likes is her brother Antonio, eh, the other three are just a nuisance and any boy outside this family - forget about it.
She had an awesome follow up in March. Doc said it was just one of those things… No rhyme or reason why she, not me would have this happen. So today is the next six month follow up. If everything goes well, he will consider seeing her next year. “Sometimes it can come”. While I love Dr. Thomas, I don’t want to see him in six months. So help me out this morning, sacrifice a virgin, say a prayer, chant, go through your pre bingo routine blowing on your neon pink haired trolls - whatever you do… Do it with me so I don’t have to have the bi-annual reminder my kid once had a big ugly thing growing inside her that could have taken her life.
I’m wearing my favorite red underwear, my favorite black peep toe Louboutins. I’ve gone through my strict Catholic rosary ritual and tried to talk to the universe when I was in the shower. People, I’m scared. Six months ago was a breeze, but a year later who knows? It is true what my parents said to me once when I was in college and hurting… There is no worst feeling in the world then when you are powerless to help your child.
Take a moment and let’s hope all the kids today suffering catch a break. In the scheme of things, our health problem is really so little compared to what we see when we have these hospital / doctor visits. So while I try to keep it in perspective, it’s just so DAMN hard when it is happening to my child and my only girl.